The Power of Being Wrong

LifeByMark Installment #5

Have you considered how much effort many of us put into being "right" all of the time?  After all being right, seems, well right... right?!

But what if being right, is wrong?

What if the fear of being wrong is a "bogeyman" who actually has no power?

I grew up in a family that engaged in vigorous (and loud!) debates.  A family where each of us liked to be right.  I spent too much of my life participating in, and/or witnessing this same behavior across other areas of my life.  Along the way, however, I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into "being right".  Energy that could, and should, be spent in better ways.

So, many years ago I decided to actively be willing to be wrong.  After I saw the impact it had on me and my relationships, I started calling it The Power of Being Wrong.

So, what do I mean by The Power of Being Wrong (and why would you want to do it)?

• When I am willing to be wrong, I learn new things.  If I insist that I am right all of the time, I am not open to new "wrong" ideas.
• When I am willing to be wrong, I encourage us to collectively find the best answer, not just MY answer.  I present my information more tentatively and am more open to hearing the other person.  I let all of us discover the best answer, and it doesn't matter whose answer it is.  
• When I am willing to be wrong, I am free to admit when I don't understand something and seek explanation rather than "faking it".
• When I am willing to be wrong I find it MUCH easier to adopt someone else's (better) position (because I didn't overstate how "right" I was!)
• When I am willing to be wrong, I often generate respect from others who may even come to my defense.
• When I am willing to be wrong, I display real self confidence.  My worth is not tied to being "right" about a particular topic.
• When I am willing to be wrong, I am FREE!  I don't have to pretend to be right or to know things I don't really know or to defend things that are not worth defending.  I can just grow!

Conversely, this is what happens when I insist on being "right":

• If I refuse to be wrong, I will not learn new, better ideas, because I am already "right".  I am really refusing to grow.
• If I refuse to be wrong, ironically, I likely generate disrespect from others, who sometimes know I am actually wrong even when I don't admit it.
• If I refuse to be wrong, I may squelch the opportunity for others to shine, even people I really care about.
• If I refuse to be wrong, I might cling to disagreements and resentments long term, needlessly destroying relationships.
• If I refuse to be wrong, I lock myself in a prison of my own making.

I find the willingness to be wrong very freeing.  I can abandon a bad idea in favor of someone else's better idea.  I can learn without feeling like a failure.  I make it so much easier to grow, and I eliminate a major source of conflict with others.

A great book that helped me with some of the thinking behind this is Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny , Kerry Patterson, et al.  This is a great book to improve your ability to have difficult conversations in a constructive way.

I hope this edition of LifebyMark made you think.

Are you ready to embrace the Power of Being Wrong?

Mark

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