Giving The Gift of Friendship

 Welcome to LifeByMark Installment #2!

One of the new practices we've been adopting for the last several years is something we call "Give the Gift of Friendship".  If you're like us, while your kids are home it's pretty easy to spend A LOT of your time revolving around them and their activities, including much of your social life.  As we entered "empty nest" and started approaching retirement we began to realize we might need to work harder on making and having friends, or we might find ourselves alone a lot more than we wanted!  We've always enjoyed friends, but never considered ourselves particularly good at making new friends.  I should admit here that I grew up as a very shy kid and have always felt a bit insecure about my ability to make friends.  Even admitting that in this blog makes me uncomfortable.

We talked a lot about wanting to have a good group of friends, and in keeping with our "Lean Forward" philosophy (discussed in blog #1), we decided to work at adopting a new perspective on friendship, to make it "not about me/us".  Rather than waiting to be invited or included or worrying about who is arranging things, we decided WE would do it.  We decided to think of friendship as a gift we give TO others, rather than something we receive or deserve FROM others.

Since our friendship is a gift, we give it for the benefit of the other person.  This takes the pressure off and changes our attitude and expectations.  We don't feel pressure for the other person to reciprocate or even accept the gift.  What has happened in practice, though, is that when we give friendship, we get it in return!  We have had the good fortune of adding many new and interesting friends that we really like and value this way.

So... what did giving the gift of friendship look like?  We started initiating get togethers (monthly happy hour, monthly dinner group, regular coffee with friends, etc.).  We are happy to take on the job of initiating and coordinating these, and from the great reception we've gotten, it appears others are enjoying the time together as much as we are!

A great, unexpected, benefit of this approach is that we now find ourselves perceiving others more positively when we first see or meet them.  Everyone (well almost everyone!) is a potential friend!  We recently realized that our "new" mindset has become pretty much second nature now.  We were definitely concerned about this a few years ago and put conscious effort into changing our mindset and actions, so realizing we're doing it now without thinking about it is pretty exciting for us!

We've extended our goal now to include not only continuing to grow new friendships at home, but also growing new friendships wherever we spend extended periods of time.  We are spending a lot of time traveling in this phase of life, including 1-4 month trips a few times a year.  We intend to Give The Gift of Friendship on these long trips by initiating time together with people around us.  

I hope this encourages you to Give The Gift of Friendship.  It really is a gift that keeps on giving.

Mark

P.S., I loved hearing from you in comments on my first blog, please continue!  Also, if you enjoy these, please follow my blog!  I plan to write one every week or two.